It usually doesn't hit me. But when it does...FFEJILFDJ.
I get the whole: sleeping in the same bed, eating grilled cheese, seeing each other all the stinking time, thing.
But the other dynamics; the "unspoken" dynamics of marriage and of being a godly wife. Not so much.
The: continuously exercising patience and self-control, always ready to forgive and believe the best in Matt, always encouraging and supporting even when I don't agree 100%, his family becoming my family and trying to figure out how to split holidays between the two, learning how to cook, pay bills, and manage my time effectively, being a family: just the two of us, making every decision together, trusting him when he gets home late, agreeing on finances, family issues, number of kids, and apartment colors, thing.
In 50 days I will be a 20 year old wife. Nothing gets you started on the fast-road to adulthood like a marriage.
I'm essentially going to be supporting a 27 year old man who worked in the corporate world for five years and has been on his own for about seven. How can I possibly be what he needs?
I eat cold leftovers and egg burritos on a regular basis. I fall asleep at 8pm on the couch every. single. night. I get worked up over just about anything that incites passion, and I can't manage to keep a clean room...much less house.
But then I have to take a step back. Breathe. And remind myself:
I am exactly what Matt needs.
I will love him to the end of time because I know love is a choice, and one I have already made. I am funny (which I suppose is slightly debatable), but laughter is essential in a healthy marriage. I will stay up all night to work out even the smallest kink in our relationship. But most of all, God is my Helper and my Rock. Through Him, I can be the best wife for Matt. And that's really what it comes down to. It's no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. And through His grace, I have something to offer this tremendous man of God, who I will, in 50 days, call husband.
Praise God...I'm getting married!