Wednesday, January 30, 2013

New Blog, New Beginnings

Hello there, faithful followers! I began a new blog where I will be updating everyone about the married life. However, that means I will be focussing significantly less attention on this blog. I hope you all will follow me and enjoy the new style as much, if not more than you did this one. 

God bless!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I'm Getting Married....WHAT.

I'm going to be someone's wife. Not just anyone. Matthew Bell's wife. THE Matthew Bell.

It usually doesn't hit me. But when it does...FFEJILFDJ. 

I get the whole: sleeping in the same bed, eating grilled cheese, seeing each other all the stinking time, thing. 

But the other dynamics; the "unspoken" dynamics of marriage and of being a godly wife. Not so much.

The: continuously exercising patience and self-control, always ready to forgive and believe the best in Matt, always encouraging and supporting even when I don't agree 100%, his family becoming my family and trying to figure out how to split holidays between the two, learning how to cook, pay bills, and manage my time effectively, being a family: just the two of us, making every decision together, trusting him when he gets home late, agreeing on finances, family issues, number of kids, and apartment colors, thing. 

In 50 days I will be a 20 year old wife. Nothing gets you started on the fast-road to adulthood like a marriage. 

I'm essentially going to be supporting a 27 year old man who worked in the corporate world for five years and has been on his own for about seven. How can I possibly be what he needs?

I eat cold leftovers and egg burritos on a regular basis. I fall asleep at 8pm on the couch every. single. night. I get worked up over just about anything that incites passion, and I can't manage to keep a clean room...much less house. 

But then I have to take a step back. Breathe. And remind myself:
I am exactly what Matt needs.

I will love him to the end of time because I know love is a choice, and one I have already made. I am funny (which I suppose is slightly debatable), but laughter is essential in a healthy marriage. I will stay up all night to work out even the smallest kink in our relationship. But most of all, God is my Helper and my Rock. Through Him, I can be the best wife for Matt. And that's really what it comes down to. It's no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. And through His grace, I have something to offer this tremendous man of God, who I will, in 50 days, call husband. 

Praise God...I'm getting married! 

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Blank Canvas

Thinking how CCM was much harder than life now, but in some ways much, much easier. Where I was handed outlines, and paint by numbers, I now am handed crisp white pages. For the first time I am faced head on with my future, without a full schedule to distract me. I suppose I live in a world where busy-ness and a full schedule equates purpose. Which brings me to every human's most asked and feared question: what is my purpose? CCM wasn't my purpose. It was there that I learned the medium and the message to voice my purpose. But still intact whether I am home, at CCM ,in Belize, married, single, rich, or poor, my purpose is and will always be my relationship with my Savior

Twenty years old and my life is a blank canvas. I no longer have school to hide behind. I am at the embryonic stages of beginning my own company with Amber. I contemplate going back to school-like food in the oven that's been taken out pre-maturely, how easy it would be to stick it back in a few more minutes, or in this case, years. 

Realizing that I am not on a summer break, that this "vacation", so to speak, is now my life and indefinite, is a very, very strange feeling. For once in my entire life I feel like I've been handed the canvas, or the clay, or the pen and paper, as I scramble to catch the words of the Author and copy them as accurately as I can onto the pages. 

Is this too big of a responsibility for a 20 year old? I guess being king at the same age was David's call, and a Prophet of God Jeremiah's call, and a mother of the Messiah, Mary's call. Perhaps my only real set back is society in this culture's day and age and the immensely low expectations they have on "kids." But I can't help but think, what if just because little Johnny doesn't have to stay home at ten years old to run the farm, and little Martha isn't being a stay at home wife at 13, society still expected a boy to become a man when he got his license, or graduated high school, or moved out of the house? I understand, well, the necessity of the season of trying to figure life out, where the shaky transition takes place. What I fear to excuse is the generationally impending age that we expect a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. What used to be 13 is now 27. And you still hear of 27 year old "boys" addicted to video games, still mooching off of mom and dad.

But anyway, I am getting off the point. 

Here I am: 20, on the brink of adult independence. For the most part, the Author tells me what to write. But sometimes His whisper gets choked out in a world of noise and I'm forced to seek Him more diligently. And other times He lets me make the choice on my own. 

Am I mature enough to uphold these lofty responsibilities? Society might say no- that I need more schooling, or a plaque on my wall to prove my ability and credibility. 
But obviously God has spoken otherwise.

So, forward I walk, unapologetically and unwavering, abiding in the shadow of the Faithful Guide, letting my lack of knowledge and numerous inabilities be my strength as dependence on Him takes over. I'm excited to see what is next for a God that delights in doing the impossible. 
For at His side, I too can partake in life at it's fullest. 

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Psalm 24:3

I think admiration and pure indulgence of God's design is an act of worship.
This world was created to be explored, discovered, and admired. 
In the pieces of nature we find not only fragments of ourselves, but we uncover attributes of the Creator. 
I believe He leaves His footprints on all of His handiwork--
A water-splash, as if to say, "this is Mine. Enjoy it."

Monday, April 9, 2012

To be a Warrior Bride

to experience loss, deceit, and shame
and keep your heart pure all the same.
to uproot bitterness before it spreads-
and in labor and toil till sweat is shed.
to escape in riches man's tempting greed
to trust one man and let him lead
to raise a child in the way he should go
to give to watch another grow.
to make, and plant, and build, and teach
to give and welcome those called to reach.
to speak with boldness, a truth that dwells
with a heart of grace, and love that compels
to offer grace when it's been abused
to forgive again when it's been refused.
to hold the power to destroy man's strength
yet use it to empower, to go the length 
to be secure in whose she is 
despite the lies others hurl and hiss
to battle in prayer when no one sees
to battle for souls down on her knees. 

to wait patiently for season pass
to remain rooted like the trees
and in the storm that scares the mass
she holds an inner peace.
to love and loss and love again
and refrain from losing zeal
to fail, to hurt, to give in to sin
to repent and learn to heal.

to conquer giants in Jesus' name
to serve by washing feet
to lower herself to Him proclaim
for her Lover she'll one day meet.
to search the Word and all it says
and live a life that shows
to learn to love and offer life
without flaunting what she knows.

to dwell in the House where glory's shower
early to rise and reside
to be a woman of gentle and power
is to be a Warrior Bride.

Dedicated to three beautiful women I am blessed to know.
Elena Giordano
Emily Walden
and Nicky Pilkerton

inspired by Scripture and "If" by Rupyard Kipling. 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Grace Abounds

as the sun slips beneath the earth
a fiery sphere too bold to see
i'm reminded if the Father's Grace
could possibly be enough for me.

eternity spans in the length of His arms
a Truth I dare not question its power
perhaps this heart, so wretched, so sick
doth know the sacred, golden hour.

Thursday, March 8, 2012


Got a Canon Rebel t3i for my 20th birthday.

I think we suit each other pretty well.

Hebrews 10:23