Who Am I?

It's funny how life works sometimes. You spend a life time trying to figure things out: God, this world, your own heart, reason's beyond our own understanding. It appears every time I reach that point where I think I have it all figured out, God reveals an aspect, or a block to me that I forgot to factor in; and like a big tower of Jenga pieces, every philosophy, every reason, and every belief comes tumbling down, leaving me at square one, with a mess of blocks and an impending frustration. 

If I know one thing of God that cannot be shaken or slightly altered by even the most prestigious priest or virtuous preacher, it is this: God is a God of love.

There, I have successfully built my first block, and although I look around me overwhelmed by the various blocks scattered throughout the table, I can be certain that this block is the building block of every other aspect of God. I can be rest assured that every Truth is founded upon this one. So I will begin there.

I am finally at a place in life where I am starting to make my faith my own. I no longer have my mom or dad right next to me to mirror their moves and reflect their beliefs. I find my self looking on either side of me, for a sense of familiarity or confirmation, when I am sitting in a controversial session testing my very faith. Suddenly it is up to me to determine what I do an do not believe. And although I have built a life-time of belief's and faith in a God I have grown to love and adore, I am forced to challenge and reflect upon the reasoning for believing every thing I do, beginning with square one. I am forced to constantly ask myself "why do I believe the way I do?" With God's word as my map, I learn how much easier it was when I had a navigator, one I trusted, one I did not have to question. But the beauty of it is I am now faced with a choice, with no one to take the steering wheel of my own faith, I can choose to try and figure out this map on my own, or I can give the wheel to the Man I have spent a life time learning about. 

I am forced total reliance on this Man. And suddenly it begins to make sense. I am not my own. If there is one thing I know of God it is this: He is a God of love. And He is far more than I will ever be able to comprehend. 

So I will start there.

Wake Up, America

I heard a sermon the other day that may have changed my life. In the same sense that I bring discretion upon reading this passage to the group this may concern, I urge you in love and in Truth to continue reading. God’s voice is a whisper in a Nation and a world whose foundation is built upon noise. My heart cry is to amplify the Voice that America has quieted for so long. A Voice that will no longer be silent.

To whom much is given, much is required. I have been given a message that sets men free from eternal damnation. I have been given a hope and a power superseding all else. And I have set idle. There will come a day when I stand before God and am held accountable for every man I did and did not tell. If I have nothing to show for what I have been given, even I will no longer hold that power and possess that message. To whom much is given, much is required.

I fear that the American church is no longer God’s church. It has been corrupted, morphed, perverted, and lulled to sleep by the song of his world. Wake up sleeping church. The day is coming, and you are not yet ready to be taken as His bride. I am sick of getting my fill from the things of this world. America has been gluttonous on sweets and temporary pleasures. We have traded our gold for glitter and cheap jewelry, but we are starving for Bread that brings life. We are rich in everything that will soon fade-like our very lives, but we are poor in Spirit and in love. We have traded His crown for our own. His crown brought life but ours brings pain and destruction. He carried the cross that held our salvation. While we carry the sin that the weight of His cross bore. We have no shame. We carry it with pride, even. We brag about everything we posses that keeps us from knowing our Creator. We have disqualified our selves in the race of life, but we are bragging like we are still in first. I fear we are running the wrong race, a race whose destination ends in disaster. America is running full force straight into the gates of hell, while we brag about our cars and our possessions along the way.

Wake up America. There is a greater glory to be said. A greater name to be praised. God will not stand for our rebellion forever. We have been given all of the resources and made ourselves hoarders in a world starving for what we see as no value. We are apathetic. We are prideful. We have fallen away from our Maker. But He is coming, and He won’t be mocked. We have become like the people of Baal, hobbling between two gods.(1 Kings 18:21) We cannot love both God and the world. (Matthew 6:24) We have seen the Truth. It is in arms reach. But we have rejected it and created our own self-serving doctrines.

“We can worship the God of purity and holiness or we can worship a god that simply makes us feel accomplished, affirms all of our strengths, and never touches our tender spots, but they are not the same God." -Louder Than Words

I find it startling how we have no problem taking full ownership over our worldly possessions, but cower away when it comes to ownership of our faith. We have made excuse after excuse as to why we should be exempt to such responsibilities. But we cannot deny blessing after blessing, and warning upon warning that has been thrown at us since birth. To whom much is given, much is required.

I want to run this race with excellence. I want to count all worldly aspects as loss, as Paul did. (Philipians 3:7-10) I want to be Holy before my King. There is only room for royalty in His Kingdom.

We keep our mouths shut in fear of offending someone. I tell you, the greatest offense of all will be when our dearest friends fail the test on Judgment Day and ask us why we never warned them…why we were so afraid of creating an awkward situation to warn them of their eternal destination.

Wake Up Sleeping Church. To Whom much is given, much is required. And we have been given much.

Divine Dance

God is leading me in this duet. 

When I started out, I was all over the place- 

I didn’t even know the right steps.

 But God didn’t point out all of my flaws at once. 

No. 

He took my hand and,

 step-by-step, we began to move as one, 

simultaneously.

 When He moved, I moved.

 I am still learning certain steps of the dance, 

and trying to improve those I have yet to master. 

But I am learning to take joy in this crazy, sometimes frustrating, beautiful dance. 

Because this dance

-this moment-

is my life. 

Thank you

Thank you.

I don’t say it near enough.

I think I could say it over and over for the rest of my life, and it would not be enough.

So I thank you.

In the midst of brokenness and confusion, thank you.

In the heart of a mighty storm and raging sea, thank you.

In the depths of my deepest despair, thank you.

In the soul of angst and frustration, thank you.

In the core of my darkest night, I thank you.

For your unfailing, unending, undeserving love.

"For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My loving kindness will not be removed from you,
and My covenant of peace will not be shaken," Says the LORD who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Dollhouse

Some days I feel like a little girl with a big dollhouse.

Today was one of them.

This little girl who could get the moon just by looking at her daddy with those big green eyes. Gosh, how he loves her, he is crazy about that little girl. One day, after getting bored with the many other gifts her father has lavished her with, she walks up to her dad and begins to beg him for a dollhouse. “My darling, when you are older.” He tells her. “Trust me, it is bigger than you can handle right now.” But she cried, and begged, and looked at him with those eyes, and he couldn’t resist. She walked into her room one morning and there it was: a brand new dollhouse with a big bow on it. She was so excited. She immediately pulled it down off the bed and started playing with it. But she got a little too restless, as most little girls do, and as she was moving around, she tripped over it and broke it. Devastated, she sat on the floor and cried. She ran back to her daddy’s room and fell at his feet. “Daddy, fix this mess. I broke it. Daddy fix it.”

How often do I find myself at the feet of my Father saying, “Daddy, fix this mess. I have broken what you have given me. I should have listened to you. You said it was more than I could handle. You said trust me and I was selfish. Daddy, fix it.”

I think what is even more heartbreaking than the brokenness of the little girl, is that without fail, every time, he picks that little girl up off her feet…and fixes the mess. 

Beloved Bride

Precious and weighty thoughts of thine-

Behold the branch that feeds the vine.

I've searched thine heart; I know thine soul,

I've sustained thine hands from the depths of Sheol.

Jealousy-mine heart knows well;

for souls that choose the path of hell.

Deny thyself and I will give you more,

than empty words upon shallow shores.

Overwhelmed and broken hearts-

find in Me a brand new start

No greater love can one comply-

than a father's son sent to die.

I'll pay a ransom; a costless price,

to be your Sacred Sacrifice. 

Invitations my Spirit dwells,

so you might Never bear the nails.

I have engraved your name in my palm,

In your darkest night, I'll make you calm. 

Take my hand, and don't look back. 

For nothing shall my child lack.

On eagle's wings, you shall soar!

I'll give you every thing and more.

Forever faithfully I will reside,

My beautiful sister, my Beloved bride.

Timeless

What gets me is how you can look at this old, dirty, tiny pond, and you love it as if you were overlooking the Pacific Ocean.




I am sitting here on this bench, overlooking this dirty, brown, sorry pond, on the most beautiful day since I have been here. I don't know if I would ever actually admit, but it is kind of beautiful, in a sense.

There is something nostalgic and serene about it-something inviting. Like it holds a hidden worth that most overlook. I am listening to Bebo Norman and am very contemplative. I think today is one of my best here.

I love moments like this; in a world that grips the fast land and hardly has a moment to spare and stop and appreciate all that has been accomplished. As if the Earth is at a stand still, and I have the reigns.Days like this are the result of a loving Prince. How can I compete? I have just been given bliss. To miss this moment would be foolish. I think this place of serenity, of peace, is a tiny glimpse of who God is. This is an outward depiction of what He is doing on my heart. His beauty has me speechless. How can this be? It is though God has resided His very presence on this field. And to stand in His presence is almost tangible. To say you don't believe would be denial or self-enforced ignorance. He is so dominantly here. His presence is so clearly evident. If I could gather all of the lost people and point to this place, this moment in time, it is as if all would be brought to clarity, answering every complicating question, leaving mere inevitable worship.

He is here. My King is on this very bench, as I indulge in His all encompassing love.

He is more than enough. Because when He has my attention, nothing else matters. My heart has been won.